


For only blood can wipe out blood

by orphan_account



Series: Multiamory March 2016 [22]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, Multiamory March
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 11:10:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6326704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Multiamory March Day 22.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For only blood can wipe out blood

No matter what Natasha does, she knows it will never be enough. For everyone she’s helped save, so many others have died, and she doesn’t think it will ever begin to atone for what she did in her past. She feels like she stays at or below neutral, never allowed to progress and try to forgive herself. She supposes that’s an appropriate punishment, though. She lives, but her suffering won’t end, and she knows she deserves it, deep down.

Maria and Pepper both know she thinks this about herself, and although they haven’t pushed hard enough to upset her, they try to convince her that she’s a hero now. She’s not sure she’ll ever believe them, and if she does, it will be a long time from now. It’s already more than enough that they treat her with kindness, and that’s something her mind still has trouble wrapping itself around. Even now, it’s hard to quiet the Red Room voices inside her head. 

She throws herself into training when she feels like this, hurling herself at the punching bag until her fists are bloody. It’s easier to concentrate on physical pain, and the sensation drives all other thoughts out of her mind. She only realizes there are tears coming down her face when she feels a hand on her shoulder and stops. 

It’s Maria, and although there isn’t pity in her face, Natasha can tell that she’s worried. Natasha is mortified to be caught like this, but she trusts Maria, and she knows Maria wouldn’t judge her. She finds herself in Maria’s arms, letting herself break down for a while, and she doesn’t know how much time has passed. Finally, she quiets down, although she doesn’t let go. She doesn’t know when, but Pepper’s joined them, and the two women are holding Natasha close in a protective embrace.

“It’ll be okay,” Pepper murmurs into Natasha’s hair, and Natasha’s glad she’s sensible enough to say that instead of “It  _ is _ okay.” Because she’s very much not okay, but the two of them are anchoring her, and she hopes that maybe, one day, things will be okay. 

“I know.” Natasha’s voice is muffled in Maria’s shirt, and slowly, the last of her shaking sobs subside. The three of them make their way back to their quarters and lie down together, just holding each other. Natasha is incredibly grateful that they are willing to give her what she needs, and their warmth and love drives away the terrible thoughts. For now, it’s enough. 

Natasha knows she is nowhere near a good person, but  _ god,  _ if she isn’t lucky. 

 


End file.
